Forbidden Memory
by Rhiannon Uerch Llewelyn
Summary: Warning! Incest. A love forbidden: of conflict, shrouded darkness and hidden mystery cloaked fire and consuming passion. A love that should never have been and now would never be.


WARNING!! This is a male/male incestuous love fic where the pairing is Jacen and Anakin Solo. Take a speedy trip to the Back button if this offends or disgusts you & if you do continue to read after dismissing this warning don't blame or flame me for encroaching on your choices or views. There is male/male fellatio comin' up so, again, bail if you don't like!!!!!!!!! (Then drink a strong shot of tequila and think hard on the fascination of unique sexuality.) bonk

This piece is a companion to my pairing introduction piece "A Moment in Time"; it is also dedicated to Mu-chan, Zoleth, Jedi Jasa, crack-empress, ring34ani and all others who love this pairing as much as I do or simply found the aforementioned fic cute/warming/etc…

(Big group hug!!!!)

squEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEze

This is entirely about Jacen & his memory of the past. The fic itself takes place during "Destiny's Way", while the memory takes place smack dab between the end of "Rebirth" and the beginning of "Star by Star". I also suggest reading this piece with the Lord of the Rings: the Two Towers, track # 8 (Evenstar) playing in the background on looping repeat as that's what I listened to a lot while writing this. I find it fits the tragically beautiful mood to perfection. (Yet another tear slides down cheek from corner of eye…) Well it's not THAT depressing!! There's humor & raunch too!! Other mood music welcome...

bonk

Disclaimer: I own nothing!! If I did, than this would have happened. (And I'd be soooooooooo slash happy!!!!!!!!) As we can see… nothing doing…

pout

Such a pity…

Enjoy!!!

.--

Forbidden Memory

Chapter 1: Peaceful Balance

As Winter saw them out, she paused and gently put a hand on Jacen's shoulder. "I was deeply grieved to hear of Anakin's passing," she said softly.

Jacen nodded slowly, his words quiet and heartfelt, "He was always grateful to you; he knew how you fought for him on Anoth." He took Winter's hands and held them between his own. "If it weren't for you, he wouldn't have had the last fourteen years of his life. And it's not just Anakin who was grateful for that, it's Jaina and I and everyone who knew him." He kissed Winter's hand, and let it fall.

So, somewhere at least, memories of Anakin were preserved perfectly: Anakin as he was, alive and vital, unscarred by the tragedy that was his end.

As the sight and touch left him of the woman who had been like a second mother to him, Anakin and his twin, Jacen's mind drifted deep inside himself to a place walled off from all others. Even Jaina never was, nor ever would be, privy to what lay within. Only Vergere knew what lay hidden, only she had ever been near him when he had lain, a broken mind from within.

A love forbidden: of conflict, shrouded darkness and hidden mystery; cloaked fire and consuming passion. A love that should never have been and now would never be.

As he withdrew into himself, Jacen's eyes slid closed and memory embraced him as the last time of their greatest blasphemy washed over him like a warm Mon Calamari tide and swept him away once more…

* * *

"Jacen, I kissed Tahiri at Yag'Dhul." Anakin whispered, his face a picture of confusion and warring emotions.

"You did?" Jacen countered, a spark of something flashing in his eyes, dissipating into wry amusement.

"Yes…" Anakin replied softly.

Jacen smirked, "How was it… you know…" His hands gestured vaguely in the air between them.

Anakin flushed slightly, eyes sliding closed to hide his thoughts, his mouth quirking as if undecided either to frown or smile. His eyes cracked open as he settled on  
a smirk.

"Different"

Jacen snorted, "I'll bet" He ran his hands through his hair in thought. "How do you… feel about her?" he asked, his voice cautious, his words carefully chosen.

"I—" Anakin waffled, unsure. It was far from an easy question to answer.

"I see…" Jacen turned away, his body tense, betraying the hurt he felt but refused to admit to either himself or his brother.

"No! Not what you're thinking!" Anakin blurted in sudden panic.

"What am I thinking then?" Jacen spun around, surprising both of them with the speed of the movement and the anguish twisting his face into a parody of itself: so unlike his usual, almost Leia-like, composure. Jealousy did not sit well with him, in fact, emotions in general tended to lay waste to his patience and understanding. It seemed to be a family thing. He snorted in derision. As was plain, even Anakin was fuddled with what he felt, regardless of the love they shared.

Everything they were was wrong, everything they wished. Nothing was a simple matter, nothing ever was. To love like this was everything… yet't was the ultimate damnation. A feeling pure and born of innocence, how could that be wrong? To love so deeply slipped along the divine, yet hell reached out with trembling fingers to enfold them in its grasp.

There was… no escape

Something that bore them up to the heavens could shatter them beyond repair; so like Alderaan, precious beyond compare and forever lost in nothingness…

Jacen reached out and gently brushed the back of his hand along Anakin's cheek, a gentle touch without demand, whispering possession… subtle desire. "What am I thinking?" he asked again, softer this time.

Anakin's eyes slid closed once more, savoring the lingering caress on his burning skin, "You think… I don't love you, that I don't want you. You're wrong! You're wrong—I… I can't change how I feel but—I do care for Tahiri, I love her… differently." His eyes opened as he struggled to voice his thoughts, their ice-blue depths clouded with pain. "She's not you and you're not her, I know that, I've always known that. I mean, come on, do you think I'm blind?" He scoffed, his voice cracking as his throat tightened on the words he spoke. "I've cared for her since I was eleven; I've loved you since I was born. There's a difference." His hands slowly fisted, nails biting into his palms and his voice broke in anguish. "I love you, Jacen… I've always wanted you, you know that and you know we can never be."

Anakin's chest tightened with pain and he could say no more. His eyes shimmered in twisted agony as broken tears slid silently down his cheeks, gently swept away by Jacen's straying fingers. Anakin ran the back of his hand over his own mouth as a muffled sob escaped his lips. He bit his tongue for silence.

Jacen drew him close, his hands cradling Anakin's face and sliding back into his hair, fingers caressing his scalp: soothing, gentle… softly wistful. His voice breathed in a whisper as he sought to quiet the fears he had, fears he knew they shared. "Anakin—I've always loved you and I always will. Nothing can ever change that, nothing—  
Whatever happens, remember that."

As Jacen whispered softly and Anakin strained to listen, they drew closer, foreheads resting together—breathing mingled and quiet. The Force swirled around them: muted, dampened down, secretive… shrouded to all but each other, as none could sense their sin

Tunics, wrapped and warm, shifted as hands wandered and felt. Callused fingers caught on rough weave yet persisted in their blind search: re-learning known paths and teasing those of old.

Wanting more, Jacen's fingers strayed to Anakin's utility belt, running lightly along worn leather, hooks and pouches, glancing briefly along the smooth, coldly metallic cylinder of Anakin's lightsaber. He paused, brows drawing together in thought as he felt its latent energy, both Yuuzhan Vong and Anakin in essence; his fingers tingled in response. He leaned forward, lips millimeters from Anakin's ear and whispered, "love me--", closing the distance between them and biting down on the lobe of his ear. Anakin hissed sharply at the flash of pain and the fleeting rush of pleasure, such as it was between them

Anakin dropped his hand, seeking Jacen's still by his belt. He traced his fingers along the sleeve, slipping down to touch the wrist and further, softly running over the knuckles and gently along the bones of Jacen's fingers. He cupped the hand, palm to back, fingers twined and still, pulling up to brush his cheek; an acknowledgment,  
a submission… a consecration. This was… a final time. A damned love played out to full, to be buried, never known—forgotten.

"Jacen--" Anakin moaned softly, turning his face into the caressing hand, lips brushing flesh; a gentle kiss, open-mouthed; a flick of tongue: fleeting, teasing… He left off, drawing their joined hands again to his cheek and leaned up, eyes falling closed as he brushed his lips lightly along Jacen's lower lip, tongue feathering in a gentle sweep. Silent demand. The kiss deepened, drowning solace; an embrace with no limbs, smoothed roughtouch, softly, as in a dream—awake

Hands loosened, unlaced, trailing through mussed hair and over warm skin, Anakin's hand sliding to Jacen's nape and inching under the collar of his tunic. He tugged on it, loosening the bound cloth to reach the flesh beneath, his other hand sought Jacen's belt, unhooking it and letting it clatter to the floor at his feet. Unbelted the tunic fell open, as did the warm one beneath, revealing smooth skin paler than his own swathing a chest and stomach hard with trained muscle. His hands strayed up to Jacen's neck, sliding around to caress his nape as he leaned forward once more; tracing his lips across Jacen's smiling mouth, down his chin and along his jaw until he reached his ear. His tongue snaked out in a gentle tease, drawing his brother's lobe near his teeth as he nipped it in mischievous retaliation. Jacen twitched in reaction, a spark of lightening stabbing down his spine to curl his toes; his eyes narrowed and focused on Anakin's smirking face. Without warning he shot forward, angling his head to nip Anakin's lower lip and for spare moments they kissed, as if drinking each other, lost on Tattooine.

"Love me!" Jacen mumbled against Anakin's lips.

"I will--" Anakin replied, "I will…" he whispered once more.

Time slowed as they moved together in the obscure room of shadowed silence, their only witness Anakin's cobbled Yuuzhan Vong training droids.

With light fingers Anakin unlaced Jacen's breeches, letting them slide to the floor at his feet to be kicked into a shadowy corner, pulling off the tunic and throwing it in the same direction, leaving him bare. Neither spoke as Anakin stepped back; hands moving to his own collar as he began to strip, never letting his eyes drop, never looking shyly away... Until he stood, utterly naked before his brother, ice-blue eyes staring into brown, limbs supple and relaxed as light played softly with his hair, ghosting among the dark curls trailing down his flat belly, nestling his proudly jutting erection and glistened softly the drops of pre-cum at it's swollen tip.

"Love you--" Anakin breathed in a whisper, quietly padding over the cold durasteel floor, hand reaching out to caress lightly up Jacen's thigh to brush as a breathed whisper up his straining penis, as he trailed his lips down Jacen's vulnerable throat. Biting at its shadowed hollow and sucking the skin for a telling redness.

"Mine!" Jacen moaned, head falling back in surrender as his brother trailed his tongue down his chest to lave his nipples, scraping them with his teeth and closing his lips for a soothing suck. Leaving off, biting his sternum with open mouth a heated kiss, again a branding flushed with red.

"Yours…" Anakin breathed, ghosting his fingers along Jacen's jaw, down his neck and griping his shoulders firmly before letting go, swirling lightly down his chest, then his ribs to rest on his hips. Anakin sank down to kneel 'tween Jacen's legs, arms curling 'round his thighs, hands massaging his lower back and trailing up to wisp along his spine. He buried his nose in the curly nest at the juncture of Jacen's thighs, breathing in the musky scent, coarse strands tickling his skin as Jacen's hands buried themselves in his hair, caressing his scalp and pulling lightly on the fine hairs at his nape. He laughed, turning his face to brush a feathery kiss along the hard shaft by his cheek, running his tongue up its turgid length and mouthing the flushed and swollen tip. His tongue swirled 'round in ardent devotion, teeth grazing lightly as he sucked the pre cum seeping from Jacen's tip. He swallowed, tongue caressing the ridged foreskin, eyes flicking up to meet Jacen's smoldering stare, his ice blue eyes narrowing in wicked challenge as he dared his older brother to stop him.

Lips sliding up the silken shaft, Anakin relaxed his throat, taking in as much as he could, errant fingers stroking what he couldn't. Jacen shuddered 'neath his touch, supplely arching back as sparks rippled from his worshiped penis, up his spine to the roots of his hair. His hands, restlessly roaming over Anakin's flesh, purposely moved to grasp his shoulders; steeling himself for balance Jacen let go one hand and slid a leg over Anakin's shoulder, strong satin thigh right against his cheek. Toes curling as Anakin groaned, muted sound a tingling vibration playing along his sensitive shaft as his arm tensed where he griped his brother. Their free hands met, palm to palm as fingers laced; dancing lightly in mid-air as balance anchored and secured.

As Anakin worked the swollen shaft with his tongue, Jacen's hips loosened, thrusting forwards as he sheathed himself over and over in Anakin's warm-velvet mouth—so tight his willing throat… Letting out a breathless cry Jacen came, near crushing the hand twined with his, his supporting leg near buckling as he snapped back, mouth open in a silent scream, rippled arch in liquid pleasure. The hand on his brothers' shoulder bit into his flesh and his nails drew blood as he whimpered, Anakin swallowing his useless seed, licking up the spent shaft and teasing the flesh 'neath his balls. Jacen curled forward in exhaustion, leg still draped over his brothers shoulder and dropped a kiss on his silken nape. His hands ran down Anakin's sweaty back as he breathed deeply, trying to regain his equilibrium, inhaling the smell of familiar warmth and dampened sex; his breathing slowed as he inhaled Anakin's spicy scent, limbs heavy and relaxed from his shuddering orgasm.

"Mmmmmhhh…" Jacen moaned, exhaling deeply as he slid his leg finally off Anakin's shoulder, carding his fingers through the dark, silk-damp mess, his softening penis sliding from Anakin's reddened lips, a trail of milky spit slipping after. His legs wobbled as he set his foot down, head light as blood flowed where it was meant.

"Jacen--" Anakin rasped as he massaged his aching jaw muscles, working out the knotted kinks and wiping off runnels of seed that had dribbled down his chin.

"Yeaaah..." Jacen replied, still lazily draped over him.

"Not done here!" Anakin gestured to his weeping penis as he shifted his weight on sore knees, decidedly unsatisfied.

Jacen smirked in silent mirth, mouth curling in satisfaction. "Didn't think so…," he moved to sit then lie back on the durasteel floor, parallel to where Anakin still knelt. "Ride my face" he whispered hoarsely, arms reaching out to run fingers lightly up Anakin's thighs, teasing his tender knees. He Force yanked to his grasp an idle foam training pad along with his own ready bottle of oil, pushing the pad under his head to support him as he made sure the ends were equal for Anakin to rest his tired knees.

An absolutely wicked smile curled Anakin's lips and his eyes darkened with lust. "Really?" an eyebrow quirked in question, "Gimme a minute, my knees are killing me." He hobbled to his feet, erection wilting slightly, hands falling down to push himself off the floor and card through Jacen's straying hands. He reeled dizzily on his heel trying to get his balance as blood rushed through him after staying so long on his knees, supple tanned skin gleaming with sweat as he hopped from foot to foot, shaking his legs and massaging them to loosen the cramped muscles, "oh, ow—sith-spit, you owe me one."

"I plan to" Jacen's roguish smile flashed, Solo through and through as he watched Anakin's bobbing antics as he bounced around the room. "Having fun?" He laughed as Anakin turned to glare at him.

"Not yet, no."

"Sorry"

"You're not, even I know that. Stuff yourself in your collection, Jacen."

He erupted, curling in on himself as mirth rolled from his lips as rarely ever seen. "I wouldn't fit. You know that."

Anakin's brows lowered, "Depends how hard you tried," he replied nastily.

"Right…" Jacen countered. "Tight fits can be so much fun."

"Yes they can…" Anakin smiled darkly, finally feeling limber from his previous restrained crouch. He shook himself, sweat flicking off his dark mane of hair, and sauntered over to where Jacen still lay on the cold floor, beginning to harden once more. "And you like them, too…"

"True, though it depends on the circumstances; can't say I'd love a squeeze with a bunch of Vong trying to hack me to pieces, neither them trying to have anyone else for lunch. Take your pick, prick."

"Right on you," Anakin smirked, hunkering down and sidling up to Jacen's side. He reached over and punched the foam by Jacen's head, testing the give of the material and finding it adequate for the task. "Good stuff," he muttered.

"I thought so…"

"I hope you did. Kill you if it doesn't."

"You'll try…" Jacen smirked; he had yet to be bested. At least in lightsaber sparring…

"You never know, I just might get lucky! Whip your ass—" Anakin groused. He reached over again, this time to flick Jacen's flushed nipple, causing him to jerk in reaction.

"Bastard!"

"You know I'm not…" Anakin slid his leg over Jacen's hips, straddling him; as Jacen's hardening penis brushed the curves of his backside, Anakin inhaled sharply and pushed back, the silken shaft sliding 'neath his balls and teasing the flesh therein. Jacen groaned as Anakin's very hard member pushed into his tummy, pre cum smearing wetly his sweaty skin. He froze, staring up at the face above him: the eyes closed, mouth open, panting breaths with flushed lips swollen from use, dark hair a wanton mess. He raised his hand, trailing his fingers lightly along Anakin's bottom lip; ice blue eyes snapped open and gazed down with unfathomable secrets as a pink tongue darted out to draw in the questing digits. He sucked lightly, hinting of other depths…

As Jacen moved his hand back Anakin followed, never letting the fingers escape his hungry mouth. He slid up his brothers' waist, thighs clenching with every movement, hands gripping Jacen's sides for balance and direction. Upon reaching Jacen's chest Anakin reluctantly let slip the fingers 'twean his lips, his hands reaching up to grasp his brothers wrists, pulling them down by his knees; he sat down on Jacen's chest and spread his legs wide, pinning Jacen's arms beneath him as he lunged forward, fisting his hands in his brothers hair and pulling his head back none too gently to bite his bared throat. Drawing back he stared down at the mark he'd made; with pursed lips a teasing breath o'er bared skin… a smile flashing in his eyes as Jacen moaned loudly, arching his head back even further and inhaling deeply, prompting Anakin to slide forward up his brother's chest, shifting so he leaned back, hands behind him with his painfully hard erection straining right by Jacen's face.

"This how you want me?" Anakin asked hoarsely, head canted forward to stare down the length of his body into the heated brandy below.

"Yes…" Jacen whispered, closing his eyes and moving his head back to take the weeping penis 'twean his tingling lips, sliding his tongue up the slit and mouthing the swollen head. Anakin writhed above him, his hands groping for purchase till they griped Jacen's hips, his fingers clenching viciously as his length was engulfed in velvet heat, his foreskin rolled back and laved wetly with a knowing tongue. Fire flared in his belly, searing his mind and causing his eyes to roll back into his head as pleasure washed through him in lambent waves. He came swiftly, aroused past endurance, slumping back on his brothers' body, head cradled 'twean his thighs, breathing labored and strained…

They lay in silence for a time, breathing deep in tandem; hands caressing languid planes and trailing rivulets of sweat. Nothing was said for nothing needed to be said, everything in spoken gesture between them that so oft was not with words. A woven peace with knowing hands—forbidden words and deeds; aching touch with flash of fire that soothed as much as stirred.

Time drifted with gentle breathing, everything so peaceful—

* * *

To be continued!!!!

In Chapter 2: Shattered Soul

AN) Yes, the first 3 paragraphs may ring a familiar bell with book readers because I took them pretty directly from Destiny's Way itself, though their sloppy phrasing I changed where I saw fit.

I'm working on the second chapter, it's taking some time...

And please!! REVIEW!!!

I need to feel like I did good.

(Grabs soother & sticks it in mouth..)

Well, not really but it helps inspire!!!


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